No Contact Counseling

Support for family estrangement

“When you sever ties, you do so for your own protection and emancipation. Severing ties is not intended to cause harm, hurt or upset to your family members. When you make a decision such as this, nothing is being done to your family members by you; rather, you are doing something essential for yourself.” ~Dr. Sherrie Campbell

You went no contact with your family member. After years of trying to make the relationship work, you realized that there is no safer way to move forward than to cut ties. At first there were attempts from other family members to pull you back into old dynamics, but it eventually it became quiet. You feel… strange. Suddenly a peace and calm is available to you that wasn’t before. But there is a phantom limb feeling where your family member used to be and memories of gatherings that once made you feel a part of a family.

Your feelings about estrangement are complex. You feel gratitude to no longer be in a toxic relationship. You have survivor’s guilt from leaving other loved ones behind. There have been waves of grief as you miss them, and this is sometimes confused with regret. But this choice brings dignity and self-respect, and the knowledge that you are acting in your best interest. You are inspired by what could be possible with this time, space and energy that you didn’t have before. You are hoping to discover a new kind of happiness on the other side of the rainbow.

It is time to create a chosen family and second childhood.

You have some good friends, but at times you have taken them for granted. Preoccupied by your family role, you weren’t always as invested, or felt you had to keep the truth of your own struggle a secret. Now you recognize that some of your friends are trustworthy people that have always had your back. Others that you thought were supportive don’t seem to understand your decision. You are seeking out likeminded people who model healthy boundaries and respect so you can lean into them as chosen family. You want to create relationships that speak to the person you are becoming, and set limits with or release those who do not support your evolution.

You are a creative, playful person inside, but for years you were in survival mode and coping with physical symptoms of stress. At times you isolated yourself with compulsive behaviors that were self-soothing. Now that you are no longer coping with an impossible situation, you want to cut back on numbing behaviors and reacquaint yourself with healthy pleasure. There are hobbies you’d like to cultivate and dreams you long to pursue. You are remembering your love of dancing, your passion for singing. You want to take better care of your mind and body, find time to rest, and seek out new adventures of the spirit that help you reclaim childhood magic.